The Mating Dance ~ Bits and Pieces ~ Part One…

 
The Mating Dance is a series of obvservations of human natrure in pursuit of  (more or less) romantiic endeavor   They are not in any particular order.  That would imply rationality .

The Mating Dance

The “Butterknife Girl”
She who squeegees her body against you as she talks to you…
She pays particular attention to pressing her breasts against you…
Making sure you know she’s there…

The Mating Dance

So a girl asked me how guys could be so dumb when it came to relating to women.  She was quite beautiful but the object of her attention seemed to ignore her.

I said “It’s the Stegosaurus Syndrome.”
“What’s that…?”
“You’ve seen pictures of a Stegosaurus.  Big dinosaur… had big plates along its spine and a spiked tail.    It had a small brain and allegedly had a swelling in its spine to help run its ten ton body.  Guys are like that.  Nut sized brain and the rest of their brains in their ass.”
 
The Mating Dance…

 There was this little feathermerchant of a guy… skinny, mussed hair, jeans and tee shirt type came in one night and went from one girl to the next and said “Wanna f___k”?  He didn’t ask it exactly lewdly… it was more like you would ask someone if they’d like a cup of coffee.  He was making an offer…

 I heard about this and was about to go tell the guy to settle down when, to everyone’s surprise, the little guy left with a smiling girl in tow…
 “I guess it’s true.” Dan said.
 ‘What’s that?” asked Self
 “If you go to bat often enough you’re bound to get a hit.”

The Mating Dance

 So she came up to him as he sat at his barstool and ran her hand along his inner thigh… she, a petite, pretty little blonde with short hair…
 “Got a girlfriend?”
 Startled by her boldness, he blurted “Uh… no…”
 “What a waste!” she said, giving him a gentle but firm grope in the crotch.
 He didn’t see her for the rest of the night…
           He never saw her again, actually… He still thinks of her to this day…

The Mating Dance

 “I’m the girl your mommy warned you about…”

The Mating Dance

 It’s closing time and she comes up to him and says “I’m not wearing a bra.”
 He ponders this for a second and gently reaches inside the scoop neckline of her peasant blouse and caresses a bare. fully aroused, breast.
 “You’re right.  You’re not wearing a bra…”

The Mating Dance

There are some perfumes that combine with skin in such a way that they are a pheromonic version of a lethal weapon because they short circuit all reason.
Not all brands do the same thing on all bodies nor do they affect all nostrils the same.

There is an art to wearing perfume be ye male or female.  I had been given a sample of cologne called Chaz that I used until the company discontinued it.  One of the crew had received it when she’d bought some makeup and potions.  It took me a while to learn how to apply it without it being too much.  Definitely less is more.

I got it figured out and the complements rolled in even going so far as some women making a point of nuzzling my beard when they first came in.

Women’s perfumes were another matter.  Some just ‘smell nice’ but some, some, when combined with the chemistry of certain sweat glands, had a euphorically derailing effect on some men rendering them helpless…

The Mating Dance

“She doesn’t know it yet but she’s about to meet the love of her life.”
Apparently she still doesn’t.
She eventually got him eighty sixed out of the bar.

The Mating Dance

“What’s your name, little girl, what’s your name?”

The Mating Dance

Not pretty enough?  Have a few more.  By closing time she (or he as it may apply) will look gorgeous!

The Mating Dance

 She was a lovely woman.
 Dark eyed with inhumanly long eyelashes and a brilliant smile, full soft looking lips…
 She may once had a truly lovely figure but she has gotten a little heavy.  Far from being obese, however, she seems to be very aware of her breasts and knows the effect full bosoms have on men.
 She doesn’t flirt as much as she expects to be admired and desired.  When she tries to flirt. she simpers, probably because she may not really want a romantic liaison.
 With some just being wanted is gratification in itself…

The Mating Dance

“I see you waggin’ yer tail…”

The Mating Dance

“How Can I Love You If You Won’t Lay Down?”
    Chuck Wagon and The Wheels

From The Bar ~ The Mating Dance ~ The Mighty Hunter Speech

 The Mating Dance is a series of obvservations of human natrure in pursuits of  (more or less) romantiic endeavor   They are not in any particular order.  That would imply rationality .

                                                   The Mighty Hunter Speech.

        This is the verbal resume’ a guy goes into when he see a girl he like and wants to be with.
        In it, he describes what a catch he would be for the lass should she decide to accept his affections.  Somehow, even tempered with what should be maturity, it doesn’t really improve from the way he felt about himself when he were twelve.
        It has changed little since humans first started talking.
        With variations, it goes like this:

                                                                   ~/~
        Hrok is Mighty Hunter
        Hrok is rugged.  Hrok is Smart!  Hrok is so smart he has to deliberately cover part of it up so people aren’t so jealous. 

        Hrok “can handle himself” implying invincibility in the field of battle… 
        Hrok may brag of his herd and cave.  Of course few people have herds anymore nor do they live in caves but the sense is the same.  Hrok will have a great car or truck.  Some Hroks have “Harley’s”. 

        If he is not living at home with his parents Hrok will claim to have cool digs.
        Hrok either has money or will have some soon. 

                                                                ~/~
                Sometimes he can do tricks like bend aluminum cans his bare hands or belch at will.
                All this to convince you, if you are a female, that you would be wise to want to bed Hrock  
                This last sentiment is not often actually voiced. 
                                     Not over the first drink anyway.

        The “Hrok is Mighty Hunter” speech may not get delivered all at once.  No. Not at all.

It is inserted into conversation whenever it can be managed, a section at a time.  If the guy really likes the girl it may take several encounters to trot out the whole speech.  Sometimes it is delivered more than once for reinforcement.  But they all have one and I think it’s safe to say that, given time, every guy’s ‘Hrok is Mighty Hunter” Speech”, including upgrades, is constantly at the ready.